I like sea days. Not because of anything special, but just because you can do anything you want… sleep in, and important stuff like that. Usually I hope to get lucky in the morning… you know… clear blue skys, warm days, calm seas and stuff like that. Now what were you thinkin’.
I promised to tell you a bit about the ship, but first a few observations from the first part of the cruise. First and foremost… friends shouldn’t let friends Karaoke. I’m sure there are some magnificent singers on board the ship… maybe I’m missing their times on stage. But the ones I’ve seen during two separate times need to have the cats removed from their throats… or at least someone should stop stepping on their tails. And if you are their friend… please, oh please… remember… friends don’t let friends karaoke. If I here another karaoke session I’ll have to go see the ship’s doctor to stop the blood from streaming from my ears.
Next… old guys shouldn’t wear Speedos. In fact… guys of any age… shouldn’t wear them at all. Even if you are a hard body, it’s not going to end well for you if you’re wearing a Speedo. For the life of me, I can’t figure out why some guys think they’re hot stuff when they’re wearing a Speedo. I thought maybe it was just me… but it’s not. Bloody Mary saw one of the same guys I saw. She told me… and I quote… “ I just had to shut my eyes tight and count to ten. I just couldn’t handle it.”
I’ve got an idea… a new Nike commercial. It’s a play on their standard “Just Do It” slogan. It should poke fun at Speedo and say… “Just DON’T do it”. And their swoosh… instead of pointing up like a “check mark” it should point down like a… well… ummmm you get the idea. If I see one more guy in a Speedo on this cruise, I’m going to have to go see the ship’s doctor for cornea transplants.
And ladies… well… you already know, so I’ll just keep my mouth shut. If I said what I was thinking I would have to go see the ships doctor to have my foot removed from my mouth… and more than a few other feet removed from another part of my anatomy.
Now, about the ship. There’s lots to tell about so I’ll probably do this in a couple of segments. This is still my favorite ship. Well… not the ship itself. I still like the Ruby Princess and the Freedom of the Seas better for the ship. The Ruby was more elegant and the Freedom of the Seas has the rockwall, ice-rink, and flowrider (my favorite). But when I take Carnival’s night life onboard all their ships into account, then the Breeze squeaks out on top of everything else. She has all of Carnival’s Bell’s and Whistles.
The spa and gym on the Breeze is far and above the best of all Carnival’s ships. Now I’m not really a spa sort of person, but they’ve got a “couples room” that gives me evil thoughts. Not only do they have side by side massage areas, they have a hot tub in it… a couples hot tub. I don’t dare say more about it or I’ll be sent to the naughty room.
Since I wasn’t sure what the rest of the spa was like, I took a mini-tour. I’m still not sure what it all is. There’s a “thalassooothassaotsomethingOrAnoherTherapy pool. (My toungue hurts after trying to say that.) It’s got a kinda therapeutic smell to it. I don’t know what it is. Their claim is that it will eliminate the causes of men ever needing Viagra… and women will… love it. *smiley face*.
OK… they don’t say that. But what they really do say is, “ all your worries and stiff and sore joints will simply wash away”. Really… the part in quotes is right from their advertising. I don’t know about you… I don’t want my joints to wash away… “stiff and sore” or not. It’s not for me but I do have to say that when I walked through my sinuses cleared right up.
Right there they have some kinda steam rooms. I say, “kinda”, because there are three different versions. The first one you walk into is just a little bit warm with some stone recliners.
You walk through that one into a second one that is a little hot, but it is a dry heat… sort of like the Mojave Desert. Then you walk through that one into the Nile Jungle. It’s hotter in there than the Mojave Desert and it has the Schwitzer Falls creating steam clouds in the middle of the jungle.
When I walked into that jungle it nearly took my breath away… Bloody Mary too. By the time we got in about half way, I couldn’t see. My glasses had completely fogged up. I was instantly dripping wet. My skin was burning and turning red. I’m sure I looked like the devil from Dante’s Inferno. I needed to get out of there as fast as I could. Bloody Mary too. I saw what looked like an exit so I pushed Bloody Mary toward it. But since I really couldn’t see anything she had to push me back out the way we came in. Pewwww… I was glad to get out of there. By the way, there wasn’t another soul in there. The attendant showing us around didn’t go in there either… she’s probably still laughing.
After the Amazon Jungle we looked around at the rest of the place. There’s a hair salon, and a nail salon… places for a mud bath (or something like that) and a place where they wrap you up in leaves or some such… and of course there are regular massage places. Oh… and least I forget, there’s a men’s barber shop. No it’s not a place in the ladies salon … it’s a separate place where you can get an old fashioned shave and a hair cut. It’s a lot more than “two-bits”, but one of these days I’m going to try that.
It seems that the spa has something for everyone; Botox… teeth-whitening… hairdos… hot rocks… and rubs and scrubs. If that’s your thing, you will love the spa area on this ship. Just bring a wheelbarrow of money.
Searching for a new pair of speedos