I don’t know about you, but I can’t believe another year is here already. It just isn’t possible. I mean… I only just stopped putting 2014 on my checks. It seems like just a tiny bit ago when I was standing in the middle of Key West’s Duval Street for the New Year’s doo-dah. That year I stood in front of the town’s most famous gay bar watching a drag queen… in a giant ruby red slipper being lowered from the second floor balcony. That was the 2011 to 2012 celebration. My New Year’s eve celebrations ever since have been pale by comparison.

This year I’m making no “New Year’s resolutions.” Instead I’m keeping the one I made standing there in the middle of Duval street in 2011 to 2012. That year I waited till the last minute to figure out what the resolution would be. At first, I thought I would resolve not to procrastinate so much. But I thought better of that and decided I would save that one for another time.

Instead, I resolved to make no more New Year’s resolutions. I’ve done a good job of keeping that one. I’m doing better than 99.9999% of the people in this world. I mean, they make a resolution a little before the “ball drops” at midnight… something like, “I’m gunna quit smoking this year.” As they are downing the new year’s first frozen concoction to help them hang on… just as they finish mumbling the words of “Auld Lang Syne”, they light-up. And so go the resolutions. By noon the next day most resolutions are in the trash can.

If were to make any resolutions… which I’m not… here is what I would do:

First… I would vow to make this blog what I originally intended; a weekly musing about the world in general, stuff about my travels, and in particular… fun in the sun. Since that was my original plan, it’s not a New Year’s resolution… but I’m gunna do it starting now.

I would resolve to not write about political stuff, but for this coming year it would be impossible not to make comments about “The Donald.” So I won’t make that a resolution. (Come on folks… “The Donald” for President… have we lost our minds… is that the best we can do? Give me a break. Imagine him as the Commander in Chief… with the military at his disposal to do what he wants… send all the Japanese in this country to internment camps. And with his finger on the button, I’ll have to move to some place the nuclear fall-out won’t reach.) See… New Year’s day isn’t over so there would have been no point in making the “no politics” resolution.

I will try to take a look at the funny or absurd side of politics. I’ll try to do it without political slant. I’ll just “call out” anyone that deserves it. I thought about running for President myself… you know, doing an Alfred E. Newman type campaign (What, me worry?)… or a Pat Paulson type campaign. (For those that don’t know who these guys are… Google is your friend.) But if I did that… “run for President”… someone would take me seriously and the fun would go out of it. So I’ll be poking a lot of fun without running. Oh… and Donald… Yer fired!

Another resolution might be to consider giving up so many frozen concoctions to help me hang on. But since I’ve developed a taste for Kahlua and Bailey’s Irish Cream, I’ve already having fewer frozen concoctions. In fact, as I write this I’m having a few sips of my new favorite “nectar”.

Since I’ve been accused of being “over-sexed”, I thought I would… Well, that isn’t one either since I gave up most sex in the spring of 2014.

Then there are those resolutions that are to do good for mankind. I applaud those kind of resolutions. Since I’ve already spent a large portion of my life in the service of mankind… you know, keeping the world free from Democracy, I think I already have that square filled. So no resolutions in this area. OK… I donate some time and a bit of cash, but that’s an on-going thing. That said, if you are looking to do something for someone, here’s a simple way to help out someone that isn’t asking for much, but needs the help just the same. For about the price of a frozen concoction to help you hang on… you can help make someone’s New Year a little better. (By the way… this came to me from a reliable source that knows these folks. They are real and this is not a scam.) This brother and sister lost their dad just before Christmas and their mother a little before that. They had to borrow money to pay for their dads cremation. Click HERE for the link to the fund raiser.:

I do not resolve to loose weight (I’m already just right)… or to quit smoking (I already did that)… or to dress better (shorts, t-shirts and flip-flops are just fine for me)… or to get closer to god (I’m going to be there soon enough)… or to make more money. Well, I might have to reconsider that last one. But for now, no self improvement resolutions for me. I already get enough directions and instructions from Bloody Mary to more than take care of this area.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t have anything against New Year’s resolutions. If you think about it, these resolutions are about hope. Each New Year brings new hope… hope for a better you… hope for a better life… hope for a better world. Maybe that’s why I don’t feel compelled to have a resolution… I have a good me, a good life and despite what some “down in the mouth talking heads” might say, I live in a pretty good world.

So, there you have it. In keeping with the spirit of the 2011– to – 2012 resolution, no new resolutions for me. No sir-eee. I would have alaready “baled out” by now with some lame excuse any way.

I’ll stop here so I can get this posted while it’s still New Year’s Day. Naw… I’ll post it later. No one I know will have clear enough eyes to read on New Year’s Day anyway.

Oh… stay tuned for next weeks musing. Sign up to receive my posts with your email address in the “Subscribe Here” place in the top right column of this page.

Boat drinks for everyone.

My friends know that when I was growing up if I got a scratch, I bled Dodger Blue. Over the years my blood became normal… well kinda normal. My love of baseball and of the Dodgers faded to almost oblivion. However, in the last few years my blood has taken on a tinge of that blue again.

Now this year ‘Dem Bums” are in the playoffs again. It’s almost a reflex for me to say, “Go Dodgers.” But this year there’s a different “blue” in the mix… the Cubbies.

You see… the Cubbies haven’t won the National League pennant and gone to the World Series in 70 years… they haven’t won the World Series in 107 years. In those 107 years they have lost in the world series 7 times… lost the National League  Championship playoffs three times… and the Division championships three times.

Yesterday, the Cubbies won their wild card playoff game and go to the Division championships again. This time against the St. Louis Cardinals. Don’t you think it’s about time the Cubbie fans… the long suffering Cubbie fans have “their year?”

Well… yes but only sorta. You see… as it stands the Cubbies are not playing the Dodgers. So for now, my Dodger blue blood is also Cubbie blue blood. I really do hope they win… maybe win it all. So for now I can say, “Go Cubbies!”

But… if the Cubbies play the Dodgers for the National League Pennant… I guess my blood is going to curdle.

I don’t rant about much. I’m a happy person writing about my adventures and generally lovin life. But this time Carnival Cruise Lines has got me going. So bear with me while I vent a bit.

I hate it when someone insults my intelligence. I hate it even worse when a corporation does it. Are those people sitting in their corporate board rooms so full of themselves and their own arrogance that they think the rest of the world… and their own customers don’t have enough intelligence to see through the crapola they try to pass off. I think they must be… full of it that is.

So you ask, what’s the latest that has got me off into this rant. Why it’s Carnival Cruise Line of course. For years and years they have had the policy that people could bring water and sodas on board their ships. To be specific, bringing bottled water and bottled soda was allowed… and that was in writing.

Now the boardroom has come up with a new idea. Do not allow bottled water or soda to be brought on board. To make up for that they are now selling 12 packs of water for $2.99 if you pre-purchace it before the cruise… $4.99 if you buy it after the cruise begins. These will be 500ml bottles with the Carnival Logo on them.

So you figure it out. Most stores sell 24 packs with prices ranging from $2.50 for the store brands to $5.00 for “designer brands.” I generally pay about $3.50 for a 24 pack.

To “sell” this to their customers, Carnival claims that they are instituting this policy for “safety” reasons. They claim that since some customers smuggle booze on board, it is unsafe because some of those “unmonitored” customers will drink too much. Yeah… that’s the ticket.

If they were really concerned about safety, then they wouldn’t delay a month to institute the policy. And if they were really worried about customers drinking too much, they would limit their alcohol sales much more than they do. There are plenty of drunks on their ships that never smuggle a drop of booze on board.

Now Carnival has taken another step. Booze sales on board ship is a huge business for the cruise lines. Bottles of booze are sold in duty free shops on board, but are held by the cruise lines till the end of the cruise. Also, bottles of booze purchased while ashore in ports of calls must be checked in when re-boarding the ship.  For years it has been Carnival policy to distribute booze purchased on board or while in ports of call on the last night  of the cruise. Sure, folks cracked open their booze and Carnival didn’t get those revenues. Now they are instituting a new policy of requiring their customers to stand in line and pick up their purchased booze the morning they are getting off the ship.

Once again, Carnival is claiming “Safety”. They claim they don’t want unmonitored booze drinking the last night of the cruise. Who do they think they are fooling. Some folks will be getting into a car and driving around 7 AM. Are they going to cut off booze sales early in the evening to prevent someone getting behind the wheel the next day. If it was really a safety issue they would do just that.

If they were only worried about the “bottom line” they would do just what they are doing. They would continue to sell booze at their bars till the wee hours of the morning. They would not allow customers with purchased booze to pick it up till just before they get off the boat. And then they would come up with some BS justification to try to convince their customers the board members just have their customer’s well being and safety in mind.

Well, board members… we’re not that gullible. I understand that you are trying to maximize profit. You see that to be your job. Well, this time you’ve stepped on your dangly-bits. The King wears no clothes… and Pinocchio’s nose grows even longer. Next time just tell the truth.

Leader of the Carnival Board Room.

Bernie Lives

Before I get to rambling on about the last day, there’s a guy that’s been on board that I’ve seen every day of the cruise… Bernie. You know, Bernie… from the classic movie “Week-end at Bernies”. You know… the dead guy that was cursed by a voodoo witch-doctor. Every time Caribbean music starts up, Bernie comes back to life. Chest up, shoulders back, elbows behind him, and he traipses down the beach to the beat of the music.

I hesitated to call this a “classic” because it has to be one of the worst movies ever made. Still, it has gained some cult-like prominence in the realm of raunchy movies. If you haven’t seen the movie… well… then don’t. It’s that bad. Just skip the next couple of paragraphs. That way you won’t hate me for even mentioning it.

Anyway… Bernie lives and is on the Breeze. I saw him the first night at the Ocean Plaza bandstand. The music was playing and Bernie was there by himself dancing. Well… it wasn’t exactly dancing… think Bernie. He had on sorta beach clothes. Except they were Bernie style beach clothes… white linen long pants, a white shirt with forearm length sleeves, some kind of a mesh vest… complete with the small brimmed little hat. There he was… dancin’ kinda like a zombie to the beat of the music. I’m sure Bernie was having a glorious time.

The picture I’m posting of him isn’t very good. That’s by intent. I don’t really want to show who he is. I didn’t want to invade his privacy too much but I think you get the idea. I don’t know if he realizes he resembles Bernie or not… or maybe I’m the only one that sees it. But one thing I think I can tell you for sure… he has been having fun all cruise.

Bernie lives! I found him on the Carnival Breeze.

By now I’ve lost track of what day it is… I just know it’s the last day. Isn’t that what a cruise is supposed to do?… make you loose track of days and time. It always does for me. By about the third day I rarely know which of the cruise days it is. The only way I sorta know is by where we are. Even then, I usually have lost track of the date or what day of the week it is.

When the last day gets here it is usually a sea day. That’s when folks try and cram in as much as they can. Time as flown by and they can’t believe that the next morning they will be off the ship and back to reality. Most feel like the cruise is over way, way, way too fast. Me too. With one last sea day I can get one more Ferengie burger… one more chocolate melting cake… and a few more frozen concoctions to help me hang on. I can get one more afternoon that I promise myself that I’m going to the gym… and don’t.

The pool today seems even fuller than it has been all cruise long. Not only are there lots of people in the pool, lots of folks are sitting around the edges. Since fall is approaching, this is that one more chance to get a massive sunburn.

I haven’t noticed too many chair hogs around the pool this cruise. It seems that the Hog family has moved up to the Serenity deck. I’m not sure how closely they are enforcing the 40 minute limit on “reserving chairs”. I haven’t spent long periods there so I can’t report back to you with any certainly. But it does seem like there are a lot of towels and flip-flops being sunned on the Serenity deck.

It’s time for me to go do my traditional last day stuff. I always make it a point to do the water slides and the serenity deck hot tub on the last sea day. And there is that matter of a few frozen concoctions to help me hang on.

More later…

K M

Searching for… a witch-doctor for Bernie.

Go to the beginning of this series, “Live From the Breeze.” 

Oh… wait a minute. I don’t have any sponsors. You don’t see any of those annoying banners here enticing you to click into it to get some unbelievable and unreal promise… you don’t see any adds for electile disjunction… you don’ see any adds for free cruises (cause they’re BS.) And… you don’t see any donate buttons. I want to keep it that way. I want this to be for just tales of great adventures.

But… it does cost to operate this site. And I spend a lot of time to bring you the good, the bad, and the ugly… without having to resort to getting “bribed” to say something that I don’t think is true.

So, what I ask is simple. Across the top of this and all my posts here on KokomoMan.com are links to books I have written or books I like. I get a few pennies if you click on the link… and if you buy a few of mine, then I might have enough to buy a frozen concoction to help me hang on. Just click into them and from there clicking on the cover image will take you to Amazon and/or Kindle. Use the “Look Inside” feature on Amazon/Kindle to read the first part of the books. If you like it, buy it… it’s only a few bucks. If you don’t like it, then thanks for looking.

If you don’t have a Kindle, not to worry… there’s a free app for just about everything so that you can read the books on almost anything including whatever you are reading this on. Here’s a link to get the Kindle Reading App.

That’s it… now back to all the fun stuff.