Magical Mystery Tour – The Ugly

Hummmm… I’m not sure there’s ever any ugly on a cruise. I mean… if your overall experience on a cruise, or any adventure, is good, then can anything really be ugly. And I did have a blast on this and all but one cruise I’ve ever been on. But, as always promised… here’s what I think is as close to ugly as it gets.

(Scroll to the bottom of the page for links to other parts of the review. )


 I don’t understand why Carnival goes there. They must get paid a lot to pull their ships up to the barren dock and dump thousands of people ashore to spend their dollars. I said barren,because that’s what it is.

The dock is over 3 ½ miles out in the middle of the ocean with nothing around. There’s just a long concrete ribbon of road with virtually nothing between where the boat docks and the town. They do at least provide free transportation… after you stand in a long line in the hot sun.

I wish I could find some saving feature or something good to say about Progreso, but I can’t. Maybe people go there to buy little blue pills without a prescription and have their “fun” afterward. If that’s the reason for going to Progreso, then just about every other Caribbean port would be better.

Carnival tries to fool people by calling it “Yucatan, Mexico.” They do that to conjure up images of the Mexican Riviera Maya. When you say “Yucatan,” exotic Cancun and Costa Maya come to mind. Progreso is none of that. It’s much more like the border towns across the US Southwest, much like Juarez and Tijuana.

I’ve only been to Progreso a few times. That’s a few times too many. The tours offered by Carnival are overpriced and underwhelming. I guess if you are into Mayan ruins, then maybe you will find something interesting. But the rest of the tours are to their second-rate beaches or around the third rate town.

Of all the Caribbean ports, this one is just awful. So yep… Progreso qualifies as ugly.

For me, on this trip, Progreso was another “Fun Day at Sea.”

More ugly – The Lovely Parting Gift

Another thing that at least borders on ugly is the piece of crap “gift” they now give to Platinum and Diamond cruisers. This is about as cheap as you can get. It’s like a medium-sized refrigerator magnet… except it’s not magnetic and has absolutely no use. Someone told me it’s a baggage tag. Not on my baggage!

The crap they’re giving Platinum and Diamond guests ISN”T better than nothing. Next they’ll give us nothing. And then for our loyalty, Carnival will get NOTHING!

It’s ugly because I’m sure every one they give out will end up in a landfill and will still there long after mankind has perished. Right after I took the pic to show you, the ones I received hit the bottom of my trash can.

By the way… for those that don’t know, Carnival used to give something of use for these gifts. I guess that’s a thing of the past.

Carnival used to give useful things like this thermal cup. No… it isn’t expensive, but it gets used at home.

One more Ugly – Carnival’s Coffee

I have one word for Carnival’s Coffee: Patooooooyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

This is not new. It’s been that way since day one. The best thing you can do with Carnival’s coffee is to find someone you don’t like and pour them a cup. Wait! That would be against the law… cruel and unusual punishment. This applies to every kind of swill you get anywhere on the ship.

They sell you (for a few bucks) what is supposed to be “premium coffee” at the “Coffee Bar.” You will see many of the ship’s officers getting coffee there in the mornings. I guess some can get used to anything. As far as I am concerned, the “bean juice” they sell at the “Coffee Bar” is merely Patooy.


I guess if that’s all the ugly there is, then it isn’t too bad.

I smuggle on my own coffee and mini-single cup brew machine. (shhhh… don’t tell)

I simply throw away the chincy rewards piece of crap.

As for Progreso… staying onboard for the day isn’t an awful thing. You can hang out with friends in the hot-tub on the serenity deck. Many will remain onboard with you. Have a frozen concoction to help you hang on, and your day will be better than a day at work.

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